He them pronouns are a set of singular, gender-neutral pronouns used to respectfully refer to someone whose gender identity does not align with male or female. They are used in place of he/him or she/her when someone's identity is non-binary or fluid.
The term "he them" combines the masculine pronoun "he" with the plural pronoun "them," forming a hybrid reference. This construction is not standard grammar, but it reflects a growing need for inclusive language in spoken and written English. While "they/them" is the most widely accepted singular pronoun in modern usage, "he them" appears in specific contexts-especially when a person explicitly requests this combination.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), using correct pronouns reduces mental health risks among transgender and non-binary individuals. A 2021 study published in *The Journal of Sex Research* found that misgendering-using incorrect pronouns-correlates with increased anxiety and depression. Using "he them" when requested affirms identity and supports psychological well-being.
"He them" functions as a singular pronoun pair. The subject uses "he," and the object uses "them." For example: "He said he was tired, so I gave him a break." In this sentence, "he" refers to the individual, and "him" becomes "them" in the object position.
This structure avoids the gendered assumptions of traditional pronouns. It allows a speaker to acknowledge a person's identity without defaulting to male or female references. It is particularly useful in formal writing, legal documents, or educational settings where precision matters.
However, "he them" is not interchangeable with "they/them." The latter is grammatically standard and widely recognized by major style guides. The Chicago Manual of Style (17th ed.) states that "they" as a singular pronoun is acceptable in both informal and formal contexts. "He them" remains rare and context-specific, often appearing in personal statements or creative writing rather than mainstream publications.
Some individuals choose "he them" because it reflects a blend of identity elements. A person may feel a connection to masculinity in their expression but also identify with non-binary or fluid gender concepts. Using "he them" signals that their identity is complex and cannot be reduced to a single category.
For example, a non-binary artist named Jordan uses "he them" in interviews. In a 2023 profile for *The Guardian*, Jordan said: "I'm not a man, but I don't fit the woman box either. 'He them' feels true-it's not about biology, it's about how I move through the world." This choice is not about confusion; it's about authenticity.
Another reason for using "he them" is resistance to linguistic erasure. Some users report feeling invisible when forced to choose between "he" or "she." By combining terms, they assert visibility. This practice is especially common in online communities where identity is negotiated through text.
One widespread error is assuming "he them" is a grammatical mistake. It is not. It is a deliberate linguistic choice made by individuals to reflect their identity. Mislabeling it as incorrect reinforces stigma and invalidates lived experience.
Another misconception is that "he them" is a new invention. It is not. The construction appears in early 20th-century literature and in spoken dialects across multiple cultures. For example, in African American Vernacular English (AAVE), double pronoun structures like "he them" have long existed as markers of identity and solidarity.
A critical distinction: "he them" is not the same as "they/them." "They/them" is singular and grammatically consistent. "He them" is a hybrid form used only when a person specifically requests it. Confusing the two leads to misgendering, which harms trust and inclusion.
| Pronoun Set | Subject | Object | Use Case |
|---|---|---|---|
| he them | He | them | Used by individuals who request this combination; rare in formal writing |
| they/them | They | them | Standard singular pronoun; accepted by AP, MLA, APA, and Chicago |
| she/her | She | her | Traditional gendered pronouns; used for feminine identities |
| he/him | He | him | Traditional gendered pronouns; used for masculine identities |
In 2022, a tech company in Seattle implemented a pronoun policy requiring employees to share their pronouns in email signatures. One team member, Alex, listed "he them" as their pronouns. During a meeting, a colleague said: "Alex, we need your feedback on the design. He said he'd send it by Friday."
The statement used "he" for the subject and "him" (referring to "them") for the object. This avoided gendered assumptions while maintaining clarity. The team later confirmed that Alex appreciated the accuracy of the reference.
I once observed this in action during a university panel on inclusive language. A student presenter used "he them" throughout their talk. When asked why, they replied: "I don't want to be boxed into categories. 'He them' lets me exist without being reduced." The audience responded with silence, then applause-not out of politeness, but recognition.
Always ask before assuming someone's pronouns. Use the pronouns they've specified. If you're unsure, say: "What pronouns do you use?" or "Can you share your preferred pronouns?"
If someone asks you to use "he them," do so consistently. Avoid saying "I'll try" or "I'll use them." That implies hesitation. Instead, say: "I'll use he them." This shows respect and commitment.
When writing, include pronouns in introductions. For example: "Meet Jamie, who uses he them pronouns." This normalizes inclusion and reduces the burden on individuals to disclose repeatedly.
Using "he them pronouns" correctly is not about grammar perfection. It's about honoring identity. When language reflects reality, communication becomes clearer, kinder, and more accurate.